It’s #microblogmonday, and I feel inspired to write. Those seem as good of reason as I need to publish a new post.
It turns out that I really love to write. I miss it, and I truly believe that by exchanging stories, feelings, and thoughts through a written medium, people have and will continue to change the world.
Life is very different than it was the last time I posted (#notpregnant). I’ve started school. I’m going back to do Cool Stuff (*cough* science *cough*), and it’s only partly because I want a new story for my life. I don’t want my story to be “she wanted children, and spent her life trying to have them, but it never worked out. And then she died. It’s too bad she didn’t know that starting out.” I want more, and so I’m creating options for myself.
And also, there’s the sneaking suspicion that unless I invest part of my soul into other things, it will break under pressure if (and when) treatments don’t work out. I need my life to be bigger.
I’m going back to school to be a scientist. I chose that field because there are incredible things happening in the world and I want to be a part of them. I’m doing this because I want my life to mean something bigger than myself; because scientists change the world in tangible ways, and they get to do incredible work. I’m building this kind of career because I have been blessed with an amazing intellect, and I feel a responsibility to use it to better the world. I’m going to study the natural world for the rest of my life because someone once told me that scientists are the modern mystics, and I want to see the face of God.
It feels good to hold your own fate in your hands; to turn it over, and manipulate it until it resembles you, your dreams and aspirations.
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In other news, I spent the weekend in New Hampshire at the Exponent II Annual Retreat.
You guys. I love Mormon Feminists. I left rejuvenated, inspired, and hopeful. So many people there were understandably pained and discouraged by the recent actions (and lack of actions) by the LDS Church, but encompassed by my sisters I could feel nothing but hope. I am enthusiastically optimistic for the future – surrounded by such powerful women, how could I feel anything else? There was no room leftover for anything but hope.
Contrary to my best laid plans, I did actually bid on (and win) something at the silent auction. It’s a necklace with a quote on it from Alice in Wonderland —
“… Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
I left Retreat feeling that way – that impossible things do sometimes happen, and there’s a special kind of joy reserved for those who let themselves revel in the prospect of beautiful impossibilities. This is a very hopeful time in my life, this time of transition and new beginnings. “To everything there is a season”, and I am soaking in the sunshine of optimism.
To any women who were there – thank you for an incredible weekend. I will savor it for years to come.