In which I kick some HSG ass

In less than 24 hours after seeing my RE for the first time, I was going back for a test – a big one. Bigger than blood tests. The HSG, which I discovered later, involves stirrups, a catheter going into my uterus, contrast dye, and an X-Ray machine. My wonderful RE, who lightly pulled some strings to get me in this morning (I heard his phone call during my appointment yesterday), described the procedure as  “crampy”.

He totally lied. I can’t figure out why I’m not angry with him about it, but I’m not at all. Probably because he was very fast about the whole thing. And I found him changing the paper on the radiology table after the procedure, while the nurse helped me, which struck me as an incredibly decent thing to do. 

Okay, you guys, here is the truth about the HSG. It was over pretty quickly, but it was truly the worst pain I have ever felt in all my life. Hurt like hell – no lie. 

The pain was paralyzing; I couldn’t move except to try futilely to curl into the fetal position (bad for pictures – the doctor was quick on his feet and moved my legs down for me when I simply couldn’t do it). I heard myself yelp and whimper and was totally not ashamed. I heard myself say, sadly and quietly as I looked at the screen, holding the nurse’s hand,  “I only have one Fallopian Tube”.

That’s when they pushed one more round of dye. I whispered, “No”, but it was too late. The pain hit again, though this time I was prepared and it wasn’t so hard to manage. 

And then it was done. I stayed lying down for a minute – the adrenaline made me shaky, the way I get in the late afternoon when I have forgotten to eat all day. The doctor, always kind, made sure I was okay (I’ve spent probably a grand total of 15 minutes with the man, several of them in excruciating pain, and I trust him completely. It must be a superpower, because it totally makes no sense) before sitting me up and quickly explaining the pictures they had taken. 

It was good news. My tubes are open. Hallelujah! 

And, apart from feeling actually crampy, I felt so empowered and proud of what i had done, all day long. Like the way you feel after a particularly badass yoga session. I did it. 

And whilst I was in the heat of battle, the Klingon was experiencing an entirely different kind of heat and got his sample to the lab. We are actually, really, truly (finally!) in business. Hallelujah. 


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